Emotional Regulation During the Early Years Are we raising anxious generations?

Over fifty years ago, Sri Lanka’s children grew up on tea and sympathy. There was always a grandparent or elderly relative to run to when nerves became tangled. The visiting elderly female relative who enfolded the misbehaving toddler in the volumes of her saree admonished the parents for not tolerating the behaviour. The male of this specimen was more guttural and would mutter under his breath “What do you expect?” they would then look over the rim of the solid spectacles with “….they are children!!! Remember that you were also children not so long ago.” Complete closure. The parents would retrace their steps to ponder – not in anger but in quiet contemplation. Whatever the behaviour, in that era, parenting was not regarded as a study. Children were not raised to be anxious.

Words : Shanthi Wijesinghe

Zoom in on this scenario to the present day. Chaos would reign in the household if an elder were to suggest a remedy or even make a move towards correcting a child. Young parents would rather obtain information from peers or the internet. I often say to them that they are ‘Google’ parents. The internet offers marvelous solutions but will give us general information – not particular to any ONE child. The word MISBEHAVIOUR is replaced with the safe explanation – strong willed. Feathers aren’t ruffled.. they are gently and carefully pushed under cinders only to explode between the ages of 15-18. 

Ignore or Attend?

ER is a mechanism to understand social behaviour and manage one’s own feelings. It is a critical developmental skill where very young children learn to identify, manage, and respond to intense feelings. The lack of vocabulary to express themselves often communicates big emotions through behaviours such as tantrums or aggression. Children who have been exposed to conversation and vocabulary skills from a young age have an advantage as they try to navigate feelings and verbalize their requirements. Smart parents give smart solutions. If emotions aren’t regulated children grow up to be difficult adults causing enormous heartache to parents and family.